Yeah. You guys read that right. I auditioned for a non-sex role today for The Goonies XXX parody that Ralph Long is directing and Jessica Jaymes and her studio, Spizoo, are producing. Just another normal Monday in my life haha.
So why did I do it? Well first of all, it's a parody of The Goonies one of the best 80s movies ever! And since Ralph has stated that that was his favorite movie growing up I figured he would treat it with the respect it deserves. Also, as I stated when I first started this blog, and have stated many times, I hope to be able to not only unveil the myths-both good and bad-of the industry but I also want to be one of those people to help bridge the gap between porn and mainstream and make it less taboo and eventually make it okay for mainstream actors like myself to appear in non-sex roles, and maybe one day eventually sex roles, and for porn stars to be able to appear in more mainstream things as well! Plus I had nothing else to do today, God damn it, and I've never been to North Hills so my sense of wanderlust got the better of me and I knew that this would probably make an interesting blog, it would help answer the truth of exactly how an audition for a porn film works and, maybe, give me some material for my stand up.
Okay, so when I got the invite from Ralph to audition for him I was both scared and excited. I was excited because I thought, okay this is it, I am helping do what I set out to do, I am bridging that gap, I am being edgy and hip and this is getting me one step closer to possibly being able to open up my own studio-a big dream of mine-and I was scared because, duh!, I'm not stupid. I was being asked to audition for a porn film. Non-sex role or not, it's still a porn film and even though we have had comedians host The AVNS and The Hookies, so far none of them have had the balls to actually be in a porn flick.
But I decided to do it because, heck, you only live once and I must admit, I have always been one of those people that was curious about what a porno audition would be like.
So this morning, I got ready. I treated this like any other audition. I showered, shaved-just my face you perverts though I was tempted to shave other areas just in case ;)-put on a nice pair of jean shorts, though I did wear a shirt I have that has a picture of a rooster on it and the words "Does This Shirt Make My Cock Look Too Big?" Hey I'm up for a part in a porno parody I figured why not?
So I take the red line to North Hollywood and the bus from North Hollywood to North Hills; I don't drive. What can I say I guess at heart I'm a Brooklyn Italian boy.
Anyway, the audition location was very close to the bus stop so that was a good thing being as I have never been to North Hills before and had no idea where the fuck I was at. And on the walk to the audition location that's when I started getting nervous and just the normal audition nerves of "oh I hope I do a good job. I hope they hire me. I hope they like me. Am I dressed okay? Do I look alright?" I started also getting the, "I am walking to an audition for a porn film," nerves so besides the normal actor audition inner monologue I then start thinking, "what exactly is this place that I'm going to? What are they going to make me do? Will I be safe? Will I be the victim of a snuff film? Will Ralph turn out to be a creepy pervert? Will they laugh at me? Will they make fun of me? Will they force me to do things?"
So finally I arrive at the location of the audition, which is being held at Spizoo Studios. There is a sign outside the doors that says "Auditions" with an arrow pointing towards the open doors. Okay, that's pretty normal and I feel better that the doors are wide open. I walk in and I see in the back that a couple people are sitting around. I stand by the door, ready to run just in case. Then porn star Jessica Jaymes walks towards me and she looks very beautiful and very professional, she's wearing a nice shirt, jeans and cute boots; dressed very business casual and professional. She asks me if I'm here to audition and I say yes and then she extends her hand to me and says, "I'm Jessica Jaymes and I'm the owner of the studio." I say, "Hi. I'm Joe Filippone. Nice to meet you." So we're off to a good start. She's friendly, professional and she hasn't laughed in my face and said I'm too plain or ugly to be there.
We walk to the back of the studio, past a couple of sets and sit down. Ralph is behind the camera in the middle of an audition. It's another guy. Very casual. He's asking him some questions and then he reads the script. Yeah. There's a script. With dialogue. Funny dialogue.
Then it's my turn to audition and, mainstream casting directors take note, Ralph started by having me sit on the couch-go ahead make the casting couch jokes I'll wait....All finished? Good-and he begins asking me questions just getting to know me and my personality which relaxed me and put me perfectly at ease. If casting directors did this for mainstream projects no actor would hate auditioning ever!
The one thing I like is that both Jessica and Ralph were very respectful when I said I was a mainstream actor. They didn't make fun of me, well Ralph knew from talking to me through email, but Jessica even asked, "so are you interested in just a non-sex role or would you be willing to do a sex role?" Complete with out any judgment. I said non-sex and everyone was very cool with it which I liked. I think it helped when I told Jessica that I would not subject a girl to having to fuck me and the whole budget would have to be spent on just that girl's day rate to get her to fuck me. The whole room cracked up at that. I even found out that Jessica and I are both Lisa Lampanelli fans, and she even complimented my shirt so that was a good choice; though when Ralph found out I did stand up he did ask me to tell a joke. I could only think of a dirty one which involved a white woman and her desire for a long black dick but it seemed appropriate and I got a laugh from the room.
After the interview, Ralph then had me cold read the script and for those of you wondering, he had me read for Mouth. I read the script, felt fine about it and that was that. I did mention that I would be willing to help out behind the scenes if they needed me and Ralph even walked me out and offered me a bottle of water and some chips.
So there you have it. I wasn't asked to take my clothes off, I wasn't asked to fuck anyone, I wasn't asked to do anything I didn't want to do. I don't know if all auditions for porn are run this way, I doubt it, but I feel lucky that I got to deal with some of the most professional, nicest people I have ever met and this was one of the funnest auditions I've ever had. Ralph Long is a very funny, friendly guy with a great sense of humor and I get the feeling that if we were to work together we would become friends and share beers over pool while watching the game and Jessica Jaymes is one of the nicest, sweetest women I've ever met and Spizoo is such a great space for shooting!
So I am happy to report that my first porn audition went off without a hitch and as soon as I hear anything about whether or not I got the job I will let you guys know. And of course I will send my scenes to all of the porn awards to get nominated, and maybe win, Best Non-Sex Role. If the scenes are funny enough I'll even put 'em on my reel and on YouTube. ;)
XOXO
-JOE-
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