Thursday, March 12, 2015

Let's Celebrate Friday The 13th With A Review Of The Official Porn Parody!

Happy Friday The 13th my frightful fuckers :) Hope you all enjoy it and watch out for The Voorhees man while skinny dipping and having naked fun ;)
So today, I figured it would be appropriate to review the porn parody. Oh yes my children. It's real. Just like Jason himself, it's no legend. And it is as amazing as you would expect!

So let me start by saying I am a huge Friday the 13th fan. I've seen all the films, I can quote all the lines, I know all the trivia, this series is very near and dear to my heart and it is my dream to be in one of the films and die at the hands of Jason of himself so when I heard there was a porn parody I was the first in line to buy it and boy I was not disappointed. If you're a fan of porn, a fan of Friday the 13th, or a fan of both this one needs to be added to your collection.
Released back in 2010, the film is directed and produced by Gary Orono, who also directed the Halloween porn parody which is amazing as well. Fans of late night Skinemax softcore will recognize Gary's name from such classics as Beautiful Bounty, Thrills, Hotel Erotica and the hugely sexy and boner inducing Erotic Traveler so it's no surprise his hardcore stuff is so hot and sexy. This guy knows erotic.
The cast is made up of some amazing porn veterans which only further explains why this film is so fucking hot!
You have the lovely Sarah Vandella, credited here as Sara Sloane playing "final girl" Susie.
Tabitha Stevens, who is also Gary's wife and also served as producer, makes a fun cameo at the beginning as a bartender along with a gentlemen named Ralph playing, surprise, Ralph. Nice little nod to the original films; those kind of nods are scattered all throughout the film and are fun to spot and try to find.
You also have the amazing Kris Slater as camp owner Kyle who is as horny as a teenage boy.
Asa Akira and Rocco Reed play Asia and Ricardo. They are the Jack and Marcie or Jeff and Sandra of the camp; two kids who are very much in love and completely devoted to each other. Rocco's character also has a fear of bugs which gives him some great jokes including the funny line "I don't want to die out here," while Asa is lathering him up with bug spray.
Rounding out the cast you have Mark Wood as Manny, Brooklyn Lee as Rita who not only resembles Marta Kober from Part Two but is also the most 80s teen slasher girl looking of the whole cast. Brooke Lee Adams, who bears a resemblance to Lauren Marie Taylor from Part Two appears as Kendra. I wondered if Brooke and Brooklyn were cast because they resembled Lauren Marie and Marta or if it was just coincidence. Courtney Cummz and Mr. Pete play kinky couple Connie and Billy while Cheyne Collins gets to stalk the camp as Jason. Karlo Karrera, who Foursome fans will recognize and who is credited simply as Carlo here, plays Jason in the flashback sex scene; though I wonder why Cheyne didn't just whip it out for that as he's no stranger to hardcore. Kagney Linn Karter also appears in the flashback scene as Kagney.
Produced by Zero Tolerance and Gary and Tabitha's own company, Orono/Stevens Productions the film is surprisingly well shot considering that the whole crew consisted of Gary, Tabitha, Cheyne and makeup artist Lori Elle.

The film opens with Susie getting dropped off by a friendly motorist. She stops in a bar where she says that she is going to work at Crystal Lake Nudist Camp. She is quickly told the legend of Jason who drowned because of his incredibly giant and heavy cock after going swimming in the lake. He has now become a monster who, because his cum has been fermenting so long at the bottom of the lake, now has deadly flesh eating cum.
Okay so Susie arrives at the camp and we meet the other counselors. Five minutes in, we have multiple tits out and six minutes in we have our first sex scene between Mr. Pete and Courtney and it's a great one to start off the film. It's a deliciously hardcore kinky scene with femdom, gas masks, Pete in tight briefs, Courtney in leather boots which Pete licks. There's dirty talk as Courtney orders him around, at one point he even stuffs her panties completely into his mouth. There's face riding, rimming, Courtney calling Pete her pet, spitting, deep throating, Pete sticking four of his fingers in her pussy and even Courtney anal asphyxiating Pete. I also have to say that this scene, which is the longest sex scene in the film running in at about 20 minutes, has a nice foreplay buildup before she rides him and, even while she's on her back getting fucked by Mr. Pete, Courtney is still in charge and the dominate one throughout the whole scene which I love.
There's some nice aggressive anal between them which involves delicious whispering dirty talk between them which is hot and passionate before it ends with Pete cumming on her face.
Courtney and Pete also have great chemistry between them. Both of them are really into it and enjoying and loving every second of it and it's obvious that Pete loves being dominated by her especially when she's riding him and suddenly stops telling him he's not allowed to cum yet.
Another thing I like is the cool cuts of Jason standing in the woods, looking at the cabin they're fucking in before slowly stalking them. There's even spooky music that goes along with it which is a great homage to the original films.
Afterwards, while they are lying enjoying the afterglow, Jason enters the cabin and cums on both of them killing them with his deadly cum.
The second sex scene between Rocco and Asa is one of the sexiest and most passionate ones I've seen in a porn film. It felt like I was watching a real couple make love instead of just fuck. It's super obvious they enjoy each other.
It starts off nice and slow with lots of kissing and them sensually feeling each others body over their clothes before Rocco slowly undresses her and kisses Asa all over.
The thing that really stands out in this scene is how quiet they both are which only heightens the sexiness. They're not just going through the motions and making noise because they feel they have to. Again, this really shows off the great passion and chemistry they have and they even show that undressing your lover the correct way can be highly erotic.
One of the things I really liked was that Rocco was not fully hard when Asa took his pants off and gave him a blowjob. We got to watch her make him hard which only appealed to the voyeur in me.
The other thing that really stands out is there is no prominent music during this sex scene, or any of the scenes for that matter. The crickets and other insects in the woods are heard which adds to the realism of the scene and when there is music it's deliberate for example, there's a nice little flute melody that plays when Rocco leans down and kisses her.
It's clear that this scene is a homage to the Jack and Marcie sex scene from Part 1 and this is also a nice balance and contrast to the first scene. There's also a great homage to the films of the camera stalking them and watching them through the window complete with creepy music that came very suddenly and made me jump, hey I'm watching this home alone here cut me some slack. But don't worry, Jason stalking them during the scene isn't overdone. It's a nice build up. We know he's there and we're waiting for him to do something, expecting him to strike just like in the films.
The scene ends with Rocco cumming on Asa's stomach. She leaves to go take a bath and just like in Part 1, Rocco lies down in the exact same shot as Kevin Bacon and just like The Bacon, he gets an arrow through the neck.

We then cut to Asa in the bathtub. Jason enters, huge cock in hand while Asa screams off camera. Mark Wood, Brooklyn and Brook hear her screams but their curiosity is soon gone when Brook suggests they play a game of Stripopoly; see the reference to the first film?
We then cut to Kyle telling Susie the real story of Jason in a flashback scene between Carlo and Kagney. They are talking and Carlo confesses he can't have sex because afterwards his cock gets bigger and harder. Kagney strips for him to show him that that's not a curse as he claims. There's good music during her strip, it's a cool rock-pop-Latin-soul mix that fits perfectly with the way she runs her hands over her body and Carlo does a great job acting nervous and timid, slowly building into the scene with a nice slow, sensual pussy licking as the music goes dead quiet so we can hear Kagney. Her moans actually reminded me of the way Jeannine Taylor moaned during her sex scene in Part 1 and again, I wondered if this was deliberate.
We get some very hot passionate kissing in this one as he fingers her and I liked that the moans and dirty talk between them isn't forced; it's also pretty hot how quiet it is and I loved the way they stare at each other while he fucks her. He even kisses and licks her boots while he's thrusting in and out of her and the faces they both make, especially his, are super hot. I love watching the faces people make while they fuck. That turns me on a ton.
The scene ends with Kagney jerking him off until he cums on her face. We think all is well and good but soon the spooky music starts and she screams as we cut back to Kyle telling Susie that Jason ran into the lake and drowned. Of course right then the required scary noise is heard and the go to investigate while we get a quick look back at the Stripopoly game before going back to the investigation. There's actually a fun little bit between Kyle and Susie where they make fun of the horror movie death rules and then it's back to our threesome for sex scene three.
Okay I have to confess, I do not like threesomes or group sex scenes in porn. Most of the time they don't work but I was hopeful with how amazing the other scenes in this film were. Unfortunately this is the sex scene that falls flat and just doesn't work and is, in my opinion, the weakest of the scenes.
It starts with Mark getting a blow job from Brook and Brooklyn. The scene actually starts out pretty good with a good close up of both girls licking, sucking and kissing his cock.
Then Brook rides him while Brooklyn caresses Brook's body. This is where it starts to go downhill. Brooklyn looks very awkward, like she doesn't know what to do or where to stand and I got the feeling that she wasn't comfortable touching Brook. It's like when you see real straight guys doing gay porn and know they're just doing it for the cash.
After getting her tits sucked by Mark, Brooklyn switches places with Brook and rides him while Brook now stands off to one side, awkwardly touching her own body.
We then get a shot of Mark fucking Brook while she licks Brooklyn's pussy who looks bored throughout it like she wishes it will be over soon. Thankfully this is the shortest of the sex scenes.
As I said, this one just doesn't measure up. The chemistry between the three is not there like it is in the other scenes and the moans all seemed forced. It also felt like the girls weren't into the lesbian stuff.
There's a nice full moon shoot though before Jason comes in and puts all three out of their misery with his cum.

We then go back to Kyle and Susie investigating. They find Jason's lair with the word mommy written on the wall. There's a close up of Jason with spooky music which made me jump again. He runs after Kyle and Susie but Kyle takes an ax and castrates Jason killing him and saving the day.
We then get the last sex scene between Kris and Sara and it more than makes up for the lackluster threesome. Both of them are really into it and each other. There's amazing chemistry between the two of them and it feels like the whole film was building up to this scene.
It starts off with the most passionate pussy licking I have ever seen on film. Both Kris and Sara are really into it and I have to say, guys, this is how you lick a pussy. Before your next trip down under watch this scene, take some notes and apply it to your everyday life.
Soon it's his turn and he's already fully hard. Sara sucks Kris off as aggressively as he ate her out and he loves it. I must say it's nice to see, and hear, a guy so into getting his dick sucked.
He then fucks her and before long she's riding him. Kris really seems to love this position and I love the faces he makes.
The scene ends with an amazing cum shot on her body and there's lots of great moaning from Kris as he shoots his load.
Afterwards, we see them sleeping and, in true Friday The 13th fashion, we see Jason walk slowly towards their room as the spooky music plays before the end credits role.
As I said in the beginning, this one is actually one of the better porn films out there. The acting is actually not bad and is pretty on par with the acting you see in most direct to DVD horror films. The film spoofs mainly parts 1-6 and it's fun to see what parts are spoofing which films, which characters are being spoofed and which shots they are imitating and paying homage to.
The establishing shots of Crystal Lake are beautiful and they even throw in a shot of the lake that looks like the one from the original film. Gary really did a great job of making use of the atmosphere and camera angels. There's even a nice little moment where Susie is walking through the woods and investigating a seemingly empty cabin and when she walks away Jason is standing there looking after her.
The music, though sparse, is good and is used in all the right places. It helps set the mood and is never cheesy and the spooky music they use sounds just enough like the music from the films to make hardcore Friday fans smile.
There's also a nice grainy feel to the film which makes it look like the older films in the series and Gary's choice to use mostly static shots and not a lot of zooms or jump cuts will make you think you're watching an old film from the 70s or 80s.
I highly recommend this one. You will want to rewatch it and all of the scenes, with the exception of the threesome, are very hot. Whether you're a Friday The 13th fan, an 80s camp slasher fan, a porn fan or all of the above, this one is a must have for your collection.

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